Smitty City

Well, today was the last day that Ms. Rosa Parks' body was "on display" for the public in the capital city. She will be buried in Detroit later this week. There is much to learn from this women's life...probably more from her Civil Rights work after the bus incident. Anyway, this post may seem like I am poking fun (which I guess I technically am), but, truly, I admire this lady and what she stood for and I mean no disrespect by the following.

My tribute to Rosa is a story of the first and last time I made a semi-racial comment with a microphone in my hand.

I was interning for Schotty (Scott Dishong...Porter's old youth minister). He had been letting me "MC" the wednesday night student services...I would tell jokes, do announcements, and introduce new visitors. Anyway, one night I had one visitor card that Schotty wanted me to recognize. I'll tell you what...I'll quote what I said from stage that night...it will probably make a little more sense that way. I said, "We have on visitor here tonight that we want to recognize (I look down at the card). Her name is...ROSA...I can't pronounce her last name, but it starts with a 'p.' (There was a brief pause and you could see a faint smile on my face) I quickly and confidently exclaimed, "SHE IS PROBABLY SITTING IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM TONIGHT." Well, long story short, Schotty banned me from the mic for about two weeks...he was honestly upset. And I received one laugh for my joke...and you wouldn't believe who it was. After it left my lips I heard a loud, high-pitched, girlish giggle coming from the back of the room. It was none other than: Jason Jackson...the only brotha in the room. He loved it...and I'm glad he did, because no one else caught it. So, thank you Jason...and thank you Rosa.

Solomon could take the ACT tomarrow and get a 18. I sure of it. Besides being the most beautiful child on the planet and having the personality of a well-established class clown, Booda would run circles around the smartest 4-yr olds. Keeping in mind that the buster is not even 2 yet, I want to share two incredibly smart things that he did this past week.

Booda's a genius, part 1...

I took the kid out to my parents van to buckle him in so we could leave for the S.T.A.R. Women Magazine Awards Gala, which my mother did win (more on that in the Hero series...coming soon). Anyway, I had to call Mel to ask her something...and the Solomander was listening. While I was talking to her, he tapped me on my arm and said emphatically, "CA MÉ!" You must first know his names for the family: Moma, Dada, Sissy, Bu (for Bro.), and Mé (for Mel). Anyway, I never once said her name during the conversation, yet Budapest knew who it was and joyfully displayed his knowledge. What a kid.

Booda's a genius, part 2...

My family and I regularly eat at Ruby Tuesday's, which is behind Joseph Beth. We like to go there because we enjoy eating outside and Solomon loves to feed the ducks. Of course, we have to prevent him from jumping in with them...but all in all we have a marvelous time. His carseat in on the left side of the vehicle, and we were traveling north on Nicholasville Rd. As we past the Lexington Green Mall on our left, his eyes got real big and he started to loose his breath like he does everytime we go see the ducks. He started yelling at everyone in the van, "Mama...GUCKS...Dada...GUCKS...Sissy...GUCKS...Bu...GUCKS." The boy couldn't even see the water in the little lake from the road, but he knew that the "gucks" were close. What a kid.

I will continue to tell stories of the genius who is my brother...so stay tuned.

The top ten list of great sports names....

10. Goose Gossage (MLB)

9. Popey Jones (NBA)

8. Fat Lever (NBA)

7. Milton Bradley (MLB)

6. Pumpy Tudors (NFL)

5. Majestic Mapp (UVA b-ball)

4. Coco Crisp (MLB)

3. Ben Gay (NFL)

2. God Shamgod (Providence b-ball)

...and at #1, playing quarterback at the University of Tennessee...if the first two are injured...and if they can't teach some other guy offense before their timeout ends...

"Wherever the Providence of God casts us, we should desire and endeavor to be useful; and, when we cannot do the good we would, we must be ready to do the good we can. And he that is faithful in a little shall be entrusted with more."

The following three news stories are completely true and completely ridiculous. I hope you find them amusing.


*scroll down to read about the Simpson's going global

The Simpsons are going to the middle east...well, sort of. The long running TV show will hit the middle eastern tube not as the lovable Simpsons...but as the Shamshoons. Many things have been altered with the show to appeal to the culture in this region. Homer will be Omar Shamshoon and the mischevious Bart will be renamed Badr. Duff's beer, Homer's drink of choice, will be completely cut along with all pork. Omar's delicious donuts will be replaced with a popular cookie from that region. This is my only problem...what are they going to do with Apu from the convenient store? I personally demand that they make him white...call him Frank...and give him a southern accent. Stay tuned for "Al Shamshoon" coming to a middle eastern tv near you.



*scroll down to find out about the greatest Bird fan to ever live

A guy, whose name hasn't yet been revealed, asked for a longer jail sentence in his hearing yesterday because of his obsessive love for Larry Bird. This is not a joke. Somewhere in this great nation of ours sits a man who could not have lived with himself if his prison sentence did not correspond with the number of his all-time favorite basketball player. He was sentenced to 30 years in jail for a crime that he committed, but he asked the judge if she would step it up three years so that he could be locked down with the same number that was on Bird's jersey. "I'm the greatest Bird fan who ever lived...and I guess this proves it," said the newly incarcerated man. What a meatball.

Should have been a Jordan fan



-scroll down to read about the Yankees and Satan's number

An employee of Topps, the baseball card company, announced some very interesting news regarding the numbering system of the cards. He has worked for Topps for four years now and his responsibility has been to number each card in the set. Apparently, this gentleman is a major Yankee homer...and his undying love for the Bronx Bombers has been shown by the six hundred and sixty sixth card in each set. Each year this guy gives the satanic number of 666 to the pitcher that did the most to eliminate the Yankees from the previous post season. I kid you not. In 2002 it was an Asian pitcher (don't know the name) from the Angels...in 2003 it was Josh Beckett of the Marlins...and last year Keith Foulke from the Red Sox was awarded the number 666. I wonder whether this dude will still have his job after this story gets back to the high ups.

Who will recieve the evil number in next year's set?

....if he is honest, he better give it to Randy Johnson.

Enough with the pointless posts; I need a little substance now.

This post is in reference to a recent discussion that Bryan Gotcher had with a couple of gentlemen on his blog. The topic was alcohol and Christians. I know that this is a touchy issue, especially in this time and among this generation. I don't want to discuss alcohol's place in the Christian community, but I would like to talk about something that I believe needs to be acknowledged by people on both sides of the fence...as well as those who have saddled up the fence. It might be helpful to stop and read the rather lenghty discussion on Gotch's blog before continuing.

This is my humble opinion (as you might have gotten a taste of if you finished reading the conversation). I respect both sides. I understand that Scripture does not undisputedly speak out about drinking alcohol socially(although drunkenness is addressed), and I also concede that there are some issues that can be successfully argued about the taiting of our spirtuality in the eyes of others. I see that Jesus drank wine, yet Paul wouldn't eat meat. I grasp the daring approach to legalism, and I also understand the risky attitude we can develop regarding our freedom in Christ. What I don't grasp...is the solution to the problem. I don't have a firm stance on the issue at hand, because I don't believe there is firm ground to stand on. We can argue until the cows come home...and probably the swine as well. It's very similar to the Pro/Anit-Calvinism debates; their are people arguing both sides, yet it doesn't determine their level of spirituality...and it shouldn't. So understanding that the fight will never be won, we must choice to extract something else from the situation that can draw us closer to the Lord.

This is what I personally drew from their convo. I think it is risky to be dogmatic over an issue like that. Don't get me wrong, there are many doctrines and convictions that Scripture is rock-solid about. But I feel that this is not one of them, nor should it be treated as one. It might be a tad-bit arrogant to claim that you are absolutely correct on that issue. Reason being: You really aren't 100% sure of what your arguing. As reasonably conservative evangelicals, we see that both arguments are supported via Scripture, and if the answer was in there...somebody wouldn't have found it. So, I believe that it might be dangerous to propose a dogmatic stance on the issue of alcohol and dye on that hill in battle. Scripture says that we know "in part." I think we need to start acting like we know "in part"(especially me) . The problem is that our attitudes can get in way of our relationships with fellow believers. I am not implying that that is what happen with Gotch, because they all were respectful to each other in their dealings. I just know that I have sorely offended friends in the past because of my bull-headed assertions on particular issues. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't treat opinionated convictions as doctrine, because we can do exactly what Paul warned us about...being a stumbling block.

I once heard it put like this and I absolutely love it: There is a line that every opinion falls on. Your stance on Calvinism, baptism, alcohol, abortion, inspiration of scripture, etc. falls on this line. You may be on the far right...you may be smack dab in the middle, but rest assured, we're on that line. It was said that Jesus didn't call us to pick a point on that line. He calls us to transcend the line and rest our understanding of life above where the world spends their time and hashes out their opinions. Like Jesus, when confronted by the religious leaders regarding taxes, told them to render to Caeser what is Caeser's and to God what is God's. By saying this, Jesus was transceding the line. Or when the women at the well asked Jesus where she should worship; He did not give her a clear answer, rather he said, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews." Jesus transcends the line that the women was stuck on. So maybe all those references to alcohol in Scripture were not mean't for us to read them and then devolp or opinions of "when and where." To be honest, I don't really know how to transcend the alcohol line...or the smoking line...or the Reformed line...or whatever else you can think of. What I do know is this, I have ticked off people, even close friends, because of fruitless, ignorant, dogmatic assertions. I don't like to admit that I "know in part," but it's true.

I have finally done it. It has taken me years to come up with it. I have finally decided.......on the perfect names for my biceps. Now, this is a very taxing process. There are many great biceps that have been issued noble names. Some of my favorites:

• Pain & Six months in the hosptial
• Arnold & Lou
• Smith & Wesson
• Everest & Kilamanjaro
• Earthquake and Tugboat
• Zeus & Posideon
• Ricky & Lucy
• Butch & Sundance

...this list goes on.

I have decided on Bebop & Rocksteady.

This is the way I see it.

Alex Smith: Number one pick in the 2005 draft by the San Fransico 49ers.

• That's fine and dandy.

Alex Smith: Didn't perform well in camp or in the preseason, so he is left in the back up position instead of getting the nod like so many rookies are getting these days.

• That's gravy.

49ers: Suck.

• That's ok too...you had you're time in the 90's

49ers: Starting QB isn't performing, so you want to test Alex Smith and get him some experience (which technically means you're scrapping the season).

• Don't sweat it. You invested 24 million into this kid...get your moneys worth.

San Fran...this is where you're thinking has gone astray:

Please, for the love of Lambardi...don't start the child this week. Why? Indy is coming to town. So you're going to give this guy his first memory of the NFL against the blood-thirsty Colts. First, you got Dwight Freeny who is the best pass rusher in the league, leading a defense that is giving up about six points per game. Freeny is going to make Alex Smith wish his mother was the trainer. So after D. Freeny spells his name out on Smith's chest in broken blood vessels...you make the kid go stand on the sidelines and watch Peyton perform surgury on the Niner secondary. This is like a teen getting his liscense on Friday and his parents sigining him up for the Daytona 500 on Saturday. The boy is gonna get hurt. The worst part about it all is that he has to watch the P Mann (who will be the greatest QB to ever play when it is all said and done) disect a San Fransican frog while he is recovering between series. How humiliating. Nope...I was wrong...this is the worst part about it: They have a bye next week. They could have given Smith two weeks to prepare for his first game. They probably figured that he will need the two weeks for the reaccuring nightmares of white flashes to stop. Cause that is all the boy will see on Sunday: White Flashes.

So...San Fran, like my dad always says...

You ain't rowing with both oars in the water....your bread ain't done...your elevator ain't going all the way to the top...3 fries short of a happy meal.

SWEET DREAMS ALEX.

A man sits next to a blond in the airport...she is reading the newspaper. The headline on the front page says, "Twelve Brazilian Soldiers killed in Battle." The woman puts her hand to her mouth and gasps. The man asks, "Are you okay?" Not believing what she has read, she looks at the gentleman and asks, "HOW MUCH IS A BRAZILIAN?"

Charlie Weis is great for college football. Notre Dame returning to thier glory is great for the NCAA, and quite frankly...I'm a fan. Don't worry, no one will ever move in on my beloved Vols, but Charlie is fun to watch. Mark my word: Notre Dame will be competing for the national title in two years...maybe less. I like his class, his personality, his knowledge of the game, his offensive schemes, but most importantly...I like his heart. Check this story out:

A ten year old boy named Montana was the biggest ND fan on the planet. His parents named him after Joe, who played for the Irish many years ago. But, Montana had a brain tumor. He didn't have much time to live, but he asked if one of the Notre Dame players would stop by the hospital to see him. Charlie came instead. He brought the young, terminal fan a signed football and spent some time with him. Montana was paralyzed from the waste down but did manage, with Coach Weis' help, to throw a pass in the hospital room with his new toy. Before the Coach left, he asked the boy if there was anything else he could do for him. There was no response. Charlie then asked, "Would you like to call the first play, Montana?" The boy's eyes lit up and he smiled. Charlie asked if he wanted a run play or a pass. Montana said, "Pass...to the right." The Coach promised the young boy that he would do just that.
Saturday rolled around and Notre Dame was about to square off with Washington (this was last week). Montana didn't stick around long enough to see the game; he passed away the week before. To start off their first possesion, the Irish received the ball on their 1 yard line. The entire offensive backfield was in their own endzone. (If you don't know this, you never pass from your own endzone because of the possibility of a safety. You always run or QB sneak it to give yourselves a little room to work) An assistant coach asked Charlie what he planned to do. Charlie responded, "We don't have a choice...I promised Montana to pass right."
So he did. Brady Quinn (QB) play action faked left and rolled right...he quickly hit his tight end on a shallow flat pass. The TE turned up field and hurdled a Washington defender before getting knocked out of bounds. A 13 yard gain.

Good call, Montana, Good call.


complete story